Your Naughty-but-Nice Neighbor
I know you are not going to believe this <wink> but I find it hard to follow the rules! A career adviser / psychologist gave me a battery of tests and inventories once and offered this assessment: “You seem to have trouble with authority.” My response was, “Not as long as I am the authority!”
So — starting today I am going to FOLLOW someone else’s rule. I am going to blog every day for 10 days. I can ignore ‘authority’ in my sleep, but I have a hard time turning down a challenge! (I think I am going to make this one huge long post instead of start a new post each day — get cozy with your scroll button, ok??)
1. My Father: Your wife pisses me off and that is why I don’t come to visit more often.
2. My kids’ Father: You are a lovely man and a great Dad. I hope you will always know I love you.
3. My Ex’s new lover: Good luck with that!
4. My son: I know you think I am crabby, and I am sorry that is what you see so often — I think you are an amazing person but I worry that you will grow up ‘spoiled’ and not taking responsibility for yourself, so I push. If you don’t like getting nagged, then start picking up after yourself BEFORE I tell you to!
5. Every School Teacher who Cares: You have my unwavering support. Thank you. p.s. — don’t believe half of what he says about me and I won’t believe half of what he says about you 😉
6. A certain ‘friend’: If you ask me to swap services for a ‘threesome favor for a guy I like’, and I show up for my part, you really should show up for your part of the deal! Yes, I am still mad about that and No, I will not help you again.
7. Politicians: Shut up and do your job!
8. Girl Friend: I can’t meet you for lunch because the nice business types I see ALL want to meet over their lunch hour. (BTW I started a new job . . . wish I could tell you about it.)
9. My professor: Your lecture and your little stories are not that interesting, so I am sitting back here answering emails from clients.
10. The guy who just left: Yes, I am in my 40s, we both know I am older than you, and even if you DO ‘have a thing for older ladies’, find a different way to say it . . . mature? experienced? confident? worldly? I am not particularly sensitive about my age, but, for Pete’s Sake, I am still a girl!
1. I am 5’5″, 40d, 180lbs / size 14, shoe 7.5
2. I am Irish and Protestant, and that little fact got me beat up in 6th grade.
(She was Irish and Catholic, and No, I did not grow up in Ireland.)
3. I lost my virginity at 18. (Well, I didn’t loose it, I gave it to someone I loved.)
4. I go to church every week — often in a skirt and stockings, no panties.
5. I used to have hobbies, now I have kids. (I like to travel, go out to movies, read, bake, and paint.)
6. I have had some threesomes, both MFM and FMF. I think threesomes are over-hyped.
7. I am a lousey speller.
8. I have never used any street drugs and never misused prescription drugs.
9. I take my laptop along when I take a bath.
1. Ask me about my history, my hopes, my thoughts, and my heart – and listen.
2. Share with me something that is true and important to you.
3. Gaze into my eyes and touch me gently.
4. Run your fingers along my scalp, starting at the nape of my neck, up behind my ear and close your hand firmly around a good amount of hair. I will melt and my heart will be yours for the taking.
5. Advocate for worthwhile change in society, especially if it benefits someone other than you
6. Bring me flowers and milk chocolate.
7. Don’t mock my crush on Neil Diamond.
8. “Follow” my blog and make comments 😉
1. Why is the first person to fall asleep always the one who snores?
2. Why do so many people worry about Not Being Good Enough instead of just enjoying who they are?
3. What makes McDonald’s food so hard to pass up?
4. It is completely stupid that voluntary prostitution is illegal.
5. If vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
6. Are my kids’ quirks and issues within the range of normal?
7. What if God just doesn’t even exist . . . would it really matter to me . . . would I do anything differently?
Day 5: Six things you wish you’d never done.
1. Been so perfectly evil to my Mother growing up.
3. Flaked on a “let’s just go as friends” prom date when a better guy came along. I didn’t realize Guy #1 ‘liked’ me and I hurt his feelings.
4. Learned to procrastinate.
5. Lied to my therapist.
6. Hit/spanked my children.
Day 6: Five people who mean a lot
This is odd — when I took on this 10 Day Writing Challenge I started a draft of each page, jotted down some beginning thoughts, etc. Turns out I didn’t do anything about this list — Five People Who Mean A Lot. I have a feeling my family and my therapist-from-days-gone-by would have something to say about that oversight!
1. The person who is right in front of me.
2. Those women (Mom, Grandma, auntie, girlfriends) who taught me that I can be competent and have my own authority – that it is good to be self-sufficient.
3. Certain partners and lovers who taught me I can be soft and giving and that it is good to be inter-dependent
4. My kids — while I am raising them, they are giving me reasons to grown up!
5. The ‘other woman’ in my first FMF play-date. She took my hand and grounded me during a pretty darn surreal evening. Thanks, Angel.
1. Dominant man with a hand in my hair. (cf … things to win my heart)
2. Watching a man stroke himself, though just watching is almost impossible.
3. A man who can lay back and let me do the work. Verbal instructions or encouragment always welcome. I think of it as aural sex.
4. Kissing the soft lips of a woman and playing with her breasts. I am “booby-bi.”
Day 8: Three turn offs
1. The phrase “hit me up.” Any use of the phrase in email to me assures I will not. Why?? Because I don’t like to ‘get with’ 20-somethings. Mature men using the phrase with the intention of amusing me are granted an exception, but you better hope I catch on to the tongue-in-cheek nature of the exchange.
2. People who need to be chemically altered to have a good time.
3. Cutting down your own spouse or S.O. It is unfair and makes you look bad — first because it is tacky, and second because you are the idiot who is in that relationship. Fix it if you can, leave if you have to, but don’t be tacky about it.
Ok — the image right there is from the movie “Two Moon Junction” and is not one of the images chosen for this portion of the Writing Project — although, for very obvious reasons it could be used as a way to describe my life right now. I really hate to be ‘obvious’ — so I will go with two different images.
In addition to the connection these next two image have to my life right now, they also have a connection to one another. I am curious to see which of my clever readers can find the additional commonality these two share?
Years ago, I carried around a photo copy of a similar image. Reflecting on my life to that point, I found encouragement in this image. As the rings demonstrate, a tree grows more slowly in a dry season than in a rainy one, but there is still growth. Experiences large and small can mark the tree, yet as long as the tree is alive, it continues to grow. This tree has a scar from a forest fire, which knocked the rings out of whack for a while. Over the course of time, as the tree continued to mature, new rings were formed around the scar, accommodating it in such a way that it became an interesting piece of the story, but no longer a visible blemish. Trees form knots, evidence of the bumps along the way. Isn’t it these knots, the rings, the evidence of growth that make each tree unique? Each life beautiful? I like to think so.
Second Image: Celtic Knot
Have you seen these? They come in all shapes and configurations, this is just one example. If you trace along the ‘path’ of one, you will travel through the entire design and end up back where you started. It is full of twists and turns, but when drawn correctly, never comes to a dead end. My ancestry links back to Celtic lands, but I think I would be drawn to these graphics even if there wasn’t that connection. They are clever, subtle, humorous, flexible, and full of metaphor for me. I have seriously considered getting a tattoo on my body that would resemble one of these. The only hold up so far is selecting the appropriate location and deciding on a particular design.
So — anyone able to deduce what additional connection/similarity links these two images? Anyone . . . ?
Day 10: One confession —
I am in grad school to become a Marriage and Family Therapist (is that fitting or ironic?)
Oh — and I am pretty damn kinky!